I'm tired. exhausted. weary. worn-out. drained. and having troubles keeping my eyes open. It is an emotion, you told me. I've already kept the tiredness under control since yesterday. I'm human, after all.. I want to make you happy by going further, but the body is not cooperating. I'm sorry.

Hai! gambatte!

I'm a piece of dead meat... wah.

Gambarimasu kudasai, ore. hehe!

Hotpants, wait fer me! I will come when the rain stops!

There is nth to teach. Follow your heart. And listen to mine.

Assuage my fears. Talk to me till I start talking. I will tell.

I might cry. I might throw a tantrum. Don't walk away.

You tire to repeat. But pls don't stop. I need reminders.

Scrunch my hair. Pull silly faces. Pin me down.

I will struggle. I will run. I will stop.

Kiss me goodbye. Remind me you love me. Don't go so fast.

I might tear. After the hug. But believe me.

I will start to smile.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I just found out that I share the same birth date as Heath Ledger.

I'll blow the candles for you when I blow mine this year.

Promise.

Numbness

Unwittingly, I'm repeating what I did 7 years ago...

For 2 years, I sat in front of the computer every Sunday. 2pm sharp.

Just to catch a glimpse of you. Just to catch your eye.

But you left me with a hurt so deep.

I swore never to do the same thing for anyone again.

But tonight..

I did it again without realizing.

Only this time round, it's another you.

Deja vu.


Ore wa... honto ni honto... totemo totemo... baka ja nai...

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019283. So strange, it stuck for so long. He had her the day he gave her the knuckle scolding. From resenting, she began to look up upon him. Secretly admiring him. Falling head-over-heels in love with him. Stashing her jealousy bouts when he flirts with others. She was never an equal in his eyes. Imouto.. she's only his imouto. Just like she was to them. She pained when he couldn't get her love, his happiness. She pained when he got closer and closer to her. She was contented, just to see him smile.. viewing his athletic frame when he dominated the court, his shy smile and his kindness to her. She took her time securing her wheels, always hopeful she could bump into him at the back lane.. so he'd offer for them to lock em together. She waited with no strings attached, as would a child for something he really really like. She was overjoyed when he brought it up, but the joy faded when it didn't work out. 1 year later, he came back again. 23rd December, he thrust Bernard into her life. While she was slaving away, he sent her 5 little words so dear. 5 little words which touched her so much, that will forever anchor his existence in her life. 24th April. That was the end. 3 days later, she had her first piercing. She shed no tears... Nobody knew... till 3 months passed by. That night, she finally felt the first pain. Had her first tears. And felt the hollow void.


Another extract from The Twisted Mind.

Spring fling... should or shouldn't I?

I'm tempted to take another leaf out of Seth's collection... *sigh* maybe next time. It did however prevent me from murdering and causing grievous hurt to someone,something or myself yesterday. That spurt of anger was unbelievably hard to control, something I didn't know co-existed with me, in me. Doldrums is still in the house, so you can say I'm still in a bleurgh mood.

Seriously, I'm contemplating on going for a spring fling the whole of last night (whole, as in all the hours I spent lying in bed unable to succumb to Sandman's lulling which is helluva long time). Since I already know no guys are ever interested in me... Hey, any ladies wanna spend some fun time together with me? Which reminds me, I haven't answered Fly whether I'm norm, bi or les.. huh?

Gene's back in town, the southern part where I call home sweet home.Whee. Maybe I should just call him up and go hook some chicks together when I get back to that rustic town. That's a superbly comforting thought, though I'm deeply unsure whether he'll balk at the idea of me going after my own counterparts.

Life's a laugh.. you can take me for what I said, or think twice and blink.

Ahh... I learnt today that love ain't all so rosy after all.. it can kill, as illustrated in that Korean movie iforgotthename. Sonofagun had me tears streaming and nose dripping all the way. Can't pin all the blame on it, was looking for a chance to rinse my tear ducts and so happened chanced on that film. Great piece of tear-jerker for numbskulls like me. Yes, I enjoy putting myself down. It keeps me alive. Sadist!!

Yay... nuff with the depressing stuff. I wanna end this post by singing something cheerful:

Dango, dango, dango,
dango, dango daikozoku!*

*ending song from Clannad

Yea... and I'm gonna pretend I'm simple-minded like Kame aka Hatanaka-kun from One Pound Gospel. Let food be my life's greatest motivation... yeah~ *struggles with Peace sign*

Takoyaki! Tonkatsu! Yakiniku! Sashimi! Dango!

The Observer

He gallantly stepped out, and all flustered was she. The Observer fell, in silent defeat.

Paced up and down, looked in and out. The worry shows, an ant can tell.

This is not his first time here, you bloody imbecile.

Broken and downcast, the Observer longed to yell.

He was sick. The Observer, no less. She stooped over him. Medicine in hand. The Observer hid, with a swollen tear gland.

She reveled blatantly, in all his greatness. The Observer sighed, in thorough soreness.

Somewhere in a distant land... the skies turned black.

That noon, that second... the Observer stopped living.



Extracted from The Twisted Mind by Seth

In good spirits

Unimaginatively..yea, I'm feeling good, happy and cheery.

It's because of the most minute shot of coffee I had. Took Milo tis noon, the Mocha version. And it kept moi in a feel good mood that's steadfastly exerting its potent effects up till now.

Either that, or I'm just hopeless with caffeine.

For normal peepz, this sentence would mean caffeine is nothing, nada, and ilek.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), the opposite holds true for yours truly.

I'm at the mercy of it. Ahh... the nights where it kept me awake for last minute muggings, the days where it drew laughter from my friends looking at my crazed antics i.e. non-stop laughter and the nights where i lay in bed agonizing over lost sleep.

There.. my love-hate relationship with the java beans.

I did notice, however that lately I've been craving for Hotpant's peachy kopi-ping (iced coffee). The shop next to hers (Fook Heng, is it not?) also serves a decent brew and I don't mind having that too. I personally envisioned Hotpant's coffee as a lady because it's more mellow in taste. There's more cream compared to the latter, thus making it rather smooth and silky. The latter's brew is stronger and more potent in taste. Sipping it gives me a masculine feel... the ebony liquid that slides down the throat somehow awakens the man residing within. lolx.. what a descriptive.

Demo.... coffee is still undeniably the liquid ecstasy that unfailingly injects some much needed highs in my somewhat dreary days. Without em, I'm as good as a wasted wastrel. Ooch, I'm getting terribly unimaginative with my adjectives. Aaah bollocks, the heck with it.. who reads my blog anyways? : )

Withdrawal symptoms

Self diagnosed results are out:

I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
Of what?
Of that thing called you.

I knew it when my hands unconsciously reach for the phone every hour, either to check for a message or a call and wanting badly to message or call you.

There's part of me feeling perhaps I shouldn't have got so attached to you, yet another part knowing very well how much I yearn to be close to you.

Contradictory? Perhaps.

As our shadows flew in the wind, my grip tightened around your waist.... out of fear, out of worry, maybe. The speed dropped. You knit your eyebrows, heaving a sigh... yet understood my fears. Deep beneath, I pondered.. has the same clutch pulled you back on many occasions? Has it impeded what you might have attained had I not been there in the first place?

The questions remained unanswered, because I'm only thinking to myself, nothing out of the norm. As the insecurity dissipates, the arm relaxes.. and let goes. Till the next time the fear strikes again. Yet, it might not hold as fast the next time...

Because I'm learning to let go.

A bowl of heartiness... not?

This is what lazy people eat for brunchner.

A can of salmon, an egg and greens all conveniently chucked into a bowl and steamed.

Ditched the carbs. Gotta make up for all the Crispy Mint M&Ms I ate for dinner the other night, don't I? Before you start protesting, I wasn't feeling all too well to cook a proper meal to begin with.

I swear, I have a headache. Really.

The power of the paper

Had the mother of all weird dreams last night. I dreamt of Rosaline. She actually smiled to me.

And I hugged her.

.
.
.
.
.
.

Couldn't shake off the feeling of absurdness from it yet. Not till I read about Nicky failing his thesis from Fly's abode. shibatte......

Was that a black omen to warn me as well?

I'm still buried in thesis writing and can't seem to EVER finish it at all............ yet. Feel like handing in some slipshod work to Lulu first then use the time she's correcting to work on it some more.

Not knowing why, I've been confunded by an incomprehensible emotional web since yesterday... I'm seeking an antidote, a remedy, a potion... whatever works, to counter the effects of the energy drain. Silently... invisibly... sapping off whatever I have, the unidentified loathesome parasite has had me reduced to a pile of weary ash.. ready to disintegrate into nothingness at the slightest draught.. the gentlest touch...

how I wish... I just wish... I can finish that piece of writing soon.

I know I can.

Just gotta shove everything up my arse and focus. End of whimpering. Anyway, just couldn't hold that one. I'm an emo freak. I suppose I'm only making sure my right brain doesn't stay idle while I use the left one.

Broken

There are many things in this world that couldn't be changed no matter how hard we tried.. what's of importance is that we've given our all during those very times.. As I lay broken in bed with memories of you unconsciously flooding my head, I'm reminded of how blessed I was to have you in my life... more so, the person who brought me to you.

I love you.. you are dearly missed.

She Who Permed

I'm uploading a picture of you

because you said your new hair very pretty.

Well, I'll let the readers decide. ;)

I could be worse off

My heart leaped in joy when it was thrust into my hands yesterday... From the very same height, it plunged into the seemingly bottomless ravine when I realised it's not within my keeps anymore today..

Couldn't help feeling I'm the perfect epitome of the Oaf of the Century.

Vehement reproaching aside, i slowly pulled out of the dark clouds thinking....

I guess my mishap is nothing compared to the unfortunate starving in the streets, the plight of those suffering in war-torn countries, the sick battling with their debilitating conditions...

At least I still have ample food, warm clothings and a roof over my head.

It is a hard lesson to swallow, nevertheless a lesson well-learnt.

Anyhow... I could be worse off.

That special day.... that special someone

You are
my first love,
the one I look up upon,
the hand that fed and clothed me,
the light that glows for me in the darkest hours,
Thou art but everything that had this mite moulded today..

hope you enjoyed your special day..

Pimp, Certifed!

I am proudly da Pimp of the Day~

Ooh la la... My pimping skills ain't that bad after all! *pats self on back*

I'm seriously having a blonde moment now. Checked out my cuzay on Facebook.. She ish shooooperr hottt... I'm drooling over every pix... :x

Wow... i feel so tempted to start trussing up me feathers too.. lolx. Anyone out there volunteering to give me a makeover? Hmmm.... making over involves *ka ching!* da cash register. All this bitch's extra moolah has been spent on da f*cking thesis project..

I wanna wook pwetty too... *big watery eyes shining brightly*
(actually, it's small sepet eyes.. got water also cannot see)

Ooch... hung-ga-rayyyyy.... need food... will beee back..


signz off for a larder ransack, da duckie wanting to be a swan

Just Keel Me

Good Lord, I'll be damned......

I see chicken keels instead of chicken breasts.

*blinks once*

*blinks twice*

*jaw drops*

*stomach lurches*

*heartbeat comes to a stop*

*inhales sharply*

*sighz*

Thank goodness I'm feeling uncannily gay today... With some personal-induced coercion, I proceeded to rip off, prise off and utilize whatever ways i could think of to get rid of the damned cartilages or wishbone, they call it. Took me an hour plus or two (I didn't keep track) to finish the challenge.

Holy moo moo, I almost cried at my own perseverance... ahaha... just kidding.

Anyways, another challenge conquered. I've a few more on the list which I'm determined to cross off tonight:

1. The card
2. The minitab
3. The laundry
4. The I want it short n detailed plus backed up by concrite proof! report
   
5. The cumbersome thesis

I'm taking all these with a pinch of salt, paying back the dues I've owed so long for being a mtfk lazy arse hole.

Presently, uttering Cest' la vie would be akin to handing my fate to the force that presumably presides over anything and everything above...

Carpe diem would make a better motivational ending for this post, wouldn't it? :)

What I want lies in my own hands, not destiny. Hence, I shall heed my own beseeching of these words:

Carpe diem!

Scents

I smell like fried tempura now. *sniffs sniffs* And raw flour.

Well, at least it's better than having that foul poultry smell hanging over me yesterday. *pooh!*

Didn't even notice that I was pattering around everywhere with flour sticking in my hair today. *agonized* (@_@)

Anyway, today's the first day of our sensory evaluation. And everything was positively done in a fluster, nearly lost my head a couple of times. Boy am I glad we're done for the day. Though we badly need to put in more effort at pimping people! 73 down, 127 more to go~ q(^0^)p

Special thanks to Fly and Stikx who came to our rescue during those crucial hours! *hugx* (^_~)

And heartfelt appreciation to everyone who made time to come, I'm humbled by the support..

Strangely, I feel very semangat to do thesis at this moment.. praying hard for the fire to keep burning.. if not, nothing's gonna get done-ded.


signz off in a delirious post-teh-ais stupor...... spunkz

It didn't rain...

It poured...

early this morning.

Feeling sad.

nonetheless, on the path to recovery...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a different account:

Results are out.. metabolic marks is higher than disease.

Huh? *raised eyebrow*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Updated:

I hate feeling alone right now..

the silence is deafening.

Happy 2008 to all

It's been a long while since my last post, 15 days to be exact. So... let me sum up the 15-day-happenings.

Christmas Eve was a bustling affair, spent the whole day assisting Madam-in-command and Uncle Peter who both whipped up a storm in the kitchen. The spread was lavish, it consisted of a salad bar, 1 roast lamb, 2 roast turkeys, home-cured ham, meat rolls, cocktails in the form of peacock, macaronni & cheese, chicken varuval, mutton parathal, fried chicken, mixed veg, blueberry cheesecake, sago with gula melaka & whipped cream and the likes..

The crowd was considerably mellow this Christmas, with none hogging the alcohol bar, downing alcohol or rather pretending to down them with gusto and ending up like drunk bastards, puking the place dirty. I guess everyone has grown up.. which is a good thing. I was too bushed to handle any situation that evening. By 3 a.m, I pooped out, sans alcohol. Okay, perhaps a glass or 2 of wine which I gulped down in thirst.

Christmas Day and Boxing Day = writhe in pain + diarrhea

The next day was spent in lab doing fat analysis. For the last time in my uni life, i hope. Sent the 2 imps back to BP in the evening.

Friday = writhe in pain + diarrhea AGAIN

Fast forwarding the days amidst a skating trip, gin fiesta, bowling trips, DVD marathon, waterfall outing, diarrhea, appointment with cuzz & cuzzy wifey, New Year's Eve dinner = fish barbecue + kimchi hotpot + pork BBQ, red wine + cracking & munching Christmas nuts + Baskin's + setting off giant fireworks....

Today = hello tummy ache and hello New Year~

To a happy & fruitful year to everyone! May we live in bliss everyday and may wishes come true!