Numbness

Unwittingly, I'm repeating what I did 7 years ago...

For 2 years, I sat in front of the computer every Sunday. 2pm sharp.

Just to catch a glimpse of you. Just to catch your eye.

But you left me with a hurt so deep.

I swore never to do the same thing for anyone again.

But tonight..

I did it again without realizing.

Only this time round, it's another you.

Deja vu.


Ore wa... honto ni honto... totemo totemo... baka ja nai...

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019283. So strange, it stuck for so long. He had her the day he gave her the knuckle scolding. From resenting, she began to look up upon him. Secretly admiring him. Falling head-over-heels in love with him. Stashing her jealousy bouts when he flirts with others. She was never an equal in his eyes. Imouto.. she's only his imouto. Just like she was to them. She pained when he couldn't get her love, his happiness. She pained when he got closer and closer to her. She was contented, just to see him smile.. viewing his athletic frame when he dominated the court, his shy smile and his kindness to her. She took her time securing her wheels, always hopeful she could bump into him at the back lane.. so he'd offer for them to lock em together. She waited with no strings attached, as would a child for something he really really like. She was overjoyed when he brought it up, but the joy faded when it didn't work out. 1 year later, he came back again. 23rd December, he thrust Bernard into her life. While she was slaving away, he sent her 5 little words so dear. 5 little words which touched her so much, that will forever anchor his existence in her life. 24th April. That was the end. 3 days later, she had her first piercing. She shed no tears... Nobody knew... till 3 months passed by. That night, she finally felt the first pain. Had her first tears. And felt the hollow void.


Another extract from The Twisted Mind.