Cacoethes Scribendi

I can get weary.. I have emotions as well. I'm a person who does not have a strong capability to drive away my sadness, and think of happy things all the time. It may be easy to apply on one person but not necessarily on another. Departure is naturally associated with gloom. Am I really so wrong to think that way? Can't I just express my feelings just for some moments without being asked to be happy, happy and still be happy? If the sad feelings can't sink in, how am i to stabilize myself and feel happy? All i know is I'm sad... i feel being pushed away everytime the "stay happy" phrase pops up. It makes me even more afraid to come near you. It also makes me feel that I can't keep up with your pace anymore.. I have a pressure of having to match up with an unseen criteria which I have no idea is drawn up by my own heart out of fear or by something else..